It May Be My Problem, But It's YOUR (re)Solution!

This morning's newspaper featured an old Calvin & Hobbes comic strip dating from 1988. In it Hobbes asks Calvin about his New Year resolutions, and Calvin replies by going into a fussy fit, insisting that he's perfect the way he is and insisting that it's "high time" everyone else changed to suit him. (In the last panel of the strip, Hobbes observes that his own resolution, that of trying to feel better about human nature, was clearly mistaken.)

That got me thinking. [RED ALERT]

I didn't make any formal New Year resolution this year. I usually don't. Instead, I just try to treat the new year as a new beginning and hope I'll get it right this time. If I don't, I (hopefully) know what to do...or not do...when the next year rolls around. But what if I do like Calvin and insist that other people make resolutions to help make my world a better place? Would that be called a passive resolution? Or perhaps a causative one? At any rate, my causative resolutions for 2008 would probably be:

To students on bikes and to families in shopping malls - If you must go slow, don't go abreast. If you must go abreast, don't go slow.

To drivers of light utility trucks out on the road during commuting hours - Figure out that there is a reason all those cars are stacking up behind you. Find the empathy to understand that, unlike you, they don't have all day. Realize that your vehicle is perfectly capable of moving at least the speed limit if not the legally allowed ten clicks over (or unofficially allowed twenty clicks over).

To middle aged and elderly ladies - Remember that roads, sidewalks, and hallways are there for people to move on. There's plenty of room for your conference off to the side.

To people annoyed by the above - If we start ramming slow-moving, side-by-side pedestrians or cyclists, running slowpoke light trucks off the road, or plowing our way through those cackle-sessions in the middle of the road, they just might actually get the idea.

To Japanese TV Companies - Realize that just because a certain TV personality is popular right now doesn't mean he or she has to be on every f*****g program. Understand that TV personalities with only one shtick, such as one memorable song/dance routine or one notable physical attribute (or deformity), are only interesting for the first few viewings. Try to make documentaries or event-oriented telecasts actually focus on the content instead of the inane prattle of the totally unnecessary celebrity guests....especially if it means those same few "in" personalities doing those same, nauseatingly hackneyed shticks AGAIN!

To the Japanese TV-viewing public - If you'd actually pick TV programs for their content from time to time instead of just flipping to wherever the supposedly "in" personality happens to be at the time, TV programs might actually offer content from time to time! (Yes, some of us actually DID turn on the opening ceremony of the last Olympics hoping to see said ceremony, not the celebrity morons' brainless chattering that we got instead. PLEASE don't do that to us again in Beijing this year!!!)

To Japanese women (and a lot of men) - Realize that your natural hair color isn't necessarily evil, but the weird shades you often insist on dyeing it with sometimes are.

To Japanese girls and young women - Short shorts or miniskirts and bare legs may be considered sexy, but when it's near freezing outside they also make you look terribly stupid (and are probably wreaking havoc with your health).

To gas stations - You know perfectly well that a rise in the price of crude oil won't affect you directly for quite some time. Realize that jacking up your gas prices as soon as the news breaks only encourages people to drive less...or slower...or buy hybrids or much smaller cars.

To manufacturers in general - Stop canceling products as soon as I come to like them.

To the lawmakers and law enforcers - Understand that a law is meaningless if you have no intention of enforcing it. Understand that law enforcement is meaningless if you have no intention of acknowledging the law. Understand that the public will ignore laws and law enforcement if both appear irrelevant.

To the Japanese government - Try very hard to use some basic logic. Dealing with the problem of falling revenue as a result of slumping consumer spending by doubling if not tripling the consumption tax (which will probably cause spending to slump even more) is SHODDY ARITHMETIC. Complaining about the quality of schools, teachers, modern curriculum, and children's academic ability while talking about slashing education subsidies is SHODDY ARITHMETIC. Publicly supporting the "War on Terror" and calling for more measures to protect the nation and its interests from terrorism (including more draconian security measures and clamping down on free speech) while calling it "illegal" and "embarrassing" to provide non-combat assistance to coalition forces or reconstruction efforts is SHODDY ARITHMETIC.

To the parents of certain students - The Ministry of Technology and Education has once again made it officially mandated policy that disruptive and/or troublesome students be removed from class so as not to infringe on the rights of the other kids. That means you gave us the right to do the same with your brat precious snowflake when you signed on the dotted line. Now shut the f*** up and deal with it.

To certain coworkers of mine - Congratulations on earning a bit of authority. Now try to earn and maintain some respect by not abusing your position or letting it go to your head.

To practicers of any religion - May your faith grow even stronger and give you both peace of mind and a better life (or afterlife)...but I don't need it shoved it down my throat, and neither does anyone else. Also, don't start killing people for your god until He or She can come and vouch for you in person.

To practicers of non-religion - More or less same as above. And leave our beloved traditions alone.

To people who whine on their blogs - Never mind. :-[

To people in general - Can't we all just get along and get a life?

Happy New Year, everybody (even if I said it before)!