The Proof Is In The P...er...

I remember some years back I heard a report released by a scientist suggesting that the electromagnetic radiation from devices such as cell phones and wireless connections could cause organic damage to the brain, leading to a decrease in concentration and an increase in aggressiveness. In short, it causes people to act less like human beings and more like animals. The report didn't get a whole lot of public acknowledgment (which doesn't really surprise me), though I remember it did give Rush Limbaugh something to guffaw at.

I also remember hearing a report from scientists saying that many of the plastics we use in everyday life, particularly polystyrene, contain chemicals that act as hormone emulators. In other words, heavy exposure to such plastics could literally turn boys into girls, and vice versa. Unlike the cell phone brain damage theory, this report got considerable public attention. In fact, it became the health scare du jour for a very brief period right around the turn of the century. As with most such things, however, it soon became forgotten, and polystyrene dishware is once again a common sight.

I really have to wonder if one or both of these theories might explain why, with each successive, new crop of 7th graders entering Ye Olde Academy, the boys keep getting wimpier and more childish while the girls keep getting more obnoxious and aggressive. The group we have right now seems almost the exact reverse of what was there ten years ago.

I don't know about you, but this is weird. It's bad enough that the 8th grade girls, whose homerooms are right outside the staff room, seem utterly incapable of saying anything to each other without shrieking it (and those are the SMART ones!), but when I see little, pint-sized girls, cute as a button and dainty-looking in their crisp, new uniforms, noisomely bad-mouthing their teachers and openly flouting the rules after less than a week at their new school, I tend to think something is wrong. Maybe Japan, and this "exclusive" school where I continue to work, have spoiled me, but this definitely calls for a reality check.

I don't even want to get into what some of the boys are like. Let's just say we may need genetic proof of both gender and species...

Evens and Beginnings

Since its birth in 1997, the Seishin Flying Eggheads has seen its schedule fill up more and more. Of course, there are the annual concerts. Those are always good. However, even better are the invitations we're getting more and more often to play at local events. In other words, we've managed to establish a reputation, and that has led to increased demand. I'd call that a sign that we're doing something right.

Last Saturday was such an occasion. The Eggheads were asked be the main attraction at a PTA "cultural appreciation" event at a local elementary school. It was the first time we'd ever been asked to do such a thing. We received the invitation to play it just over a month ago, and since it wound up falling at a really bad time (the day after final exam week, i.e. two weeks without rehearsal) we weren't sure we could pull it off, but we went for it anyway. It just seemed too good to pass up! Then the 11th grade members of the band asked me to leave the planning up to them. I admit I had my misgivings, but they managed to come up with an interesting program.

Fortunately, last Saturday was an "off day" for the students, which helped a lot. The nearness of the elementary school meant that transportation could be kept to a minimum, which also helped. We had to perform in the gym, as expected, but it had a pretty good stage and risers, so we could set up in staggered levels like we usually do. They also had wireless mikes and a decent-sounding PA system...a surprise considering the kind of budget most public elementary schools (don't) have. Unfortunately, I had completely forgotten to prepare a concert program to hand out to the audience, so I had to whip one up on a computer in the main office. Good enough for government work...and the government is my audience rather than my employer!

The parents came in first, and they greeted us with cold stares. Ye Olde Academy has a bit of a mixed reputation in these parts. Yes, we are the only elite private junior/senior high school in the area, and, yes, we do have reputable academic, cultural, and sports programs. However, we are also known as being something of a haven for rich brats. People see the name of the school, and quite often the first thing that pops into their heads is the word "snob". The fact that the director of this band is a gaijin didn't help, either. The children, however, were excited when they come in, and they entertained us with their amusing banter (and cute attempts to read my name on the program). My only worry was that the first graders were sitting so close to where I'd be directing...with my back to them.

We performed some tunes the 11th graders pulled out of our performance folder, all of which (amazingly) were old swing standards. The 11th graders also formed a combo and performed a Basie-style swing version of "Winnie the Pooh" arranged by yours truly. However, the most entertaining part of the program, amazingly enough, was the little quiz program the 11th graders put on. At the first sight of the word "quiz" on the program I was worried our grade-school audience would quickly fall apart, but our kids managed to keep them entertained till the end. The high point had to have been when they suddenly formed a recorder ensemble (including piccolo, sopranino, soprano, alto, tenor, and bass recorders...most of which the grade schoolers had never heard of before, let alone seen), played a "mystery tune", and then asked the audience to "name that tune". I then gave them the correct answer and kicked off the Glenn Miller version of the same song: "Little Brown Jug". We closed with a fast-tempo medley of "It Don't Mean a Thing (If It Ain't Got That Swing)" and "Sing, Sing, Sing" followed by an encore of "In The Mood". Those tunes have been appearing on the TV a lot recently for various reasons, and the children loved it.

In fact, a lot of them hung around and waved at us (with lots of giggling, of course) as we were breaking down our gear to leave (and none of them attacked me, thank God). All and all, it was a lot of fun, and I hope we can do this sort of of thing again soon!

***

My uncle-in-law takes his carpentry work very seriously, and his attitude shows it. for one thing, he doesn't scrimp when it comes to his tools. My father-in-law, on the other hand, believes that cheapness is next to godliness, so his tool cabinet is naturally stocked with bargain-bin fare. That drives my uncle-in-law bananas, and he has been doing a lot of griping about the "cheap junk" he has to use to work on our house. He has also been making frequent trips to the local hardware stores to replace things when his patience runs out.

Yesterday (Sunday) dad-in-law was out, so my uncle-in-law asked me to run him down to the big Honda Home Center in Itako. Apparently the 12-volt impact driver he'd borrowed from dad-in-law just wasn't cutting the mustard (or the cement, as it turned out), so he wanted to get a much better, 14.4-volt model. As soon as we walked into the tool section at HHC the clerk there took one look at us and froze. My uncle-in-law is already a well-known and much-feared figure there. He is a very demanding customer. However, the clerk responded promptly to my uncle-in-law's authoritative wave.

12-volt impact drivers are not so expensive. 14.4-volt ones are. Very. The most reasonably-priced one we saw there was a Bosch model in the sale aisle for 22,000 yen (about $200). My uncle-in-law insisted on seeing more, so the clerk led us to the main power tool aisle. The Mitsubishi and Hitachi power drivers there were 36,000 yen and up. What really bugged me wasn't so much the price as the style of the things. I mean, I've heard of heavy metal tools, but this was ridiculous! Those power drivers were all either bright pink, orange, or yellow and were tricked out with fancy silver and gray ornamentation that I could only call Gothic. They looked like ray guns from a children's sci-fi drama...like Power Rangers or Gundam or something. In fact, I'm sure that's what they were meant to look like. I'd understand if it were a toy, but...a $300 power drill? Or was the look the reason for the price?

Needless to say, my uncle-in-law bought the plain, European-green Bosch, and it seems to work just fine.

***

Today I was looking out the window of the junior high staff room at Ye Olde Academy when I saw a frightening sight. There was a strong wind gusting outside, and I was watching the sugi trees around the parking lot dance when suddenly two or three of them erupted into a thick cloud of smoke. I thought for sure they were on fire until I realized that the "smoke" had a greenish tint. It was a blast of pure pollen. We just hit the peak of the pollen season. I'm thankful for that strong wind helping get rid of it all in one go. I'm also thankful I'm inside.

***

No vegetables today, but I will say with happiness that my 7th grade students did really, really well on their final exam for my class. Considering their dismal performance last term and on the last midterm, it's nothing short of miraculous, especially considering this last exam was longer and far more difficult than any test I'd given them before. I mean, we're talking a jump in average score from fifty-something percent to eighty percent. So what happened? It's hard to say. Maybe the weekly review quizzes I started after last September's disastrous final paid off. Maybe the longer time they had to take my test (fifty minutes instead of fifteen) helped. Maybe they just finally woke up and smelled the tea. I don't know. It's probably better not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I'll end the discussion here.

Fuzz Interlude

My father-in-law recently got a new cell phone, his third in as many years (but STILL hasn't told us his number...). As usual, he passed his old phone on to my kids so they can play with it. Of course, the phone function is deactivated and useless, but it still comes with preinstalled video games. Even better: this one has a camera. Needless to say, my kids immediately went on a mad photo binge, filling up the SD memory card in only a couple of days. Then their mother showed them how to delete pictures they didn't want so they could take even more. That camera is getting quite a workout!

Not surprisingly, the majority of the photos still on the card center on our cat, Tora. Since last May, when the kids brought him home as a tiny, blue-eyed orphan someone abandoned at their school, he has grown into something of a loverboy...or even a playboy...and very much the center of attention in our house (even despite the ongoing remodeling and expansion). Since I haven't posted much recently...and don't really have much of interest to post at the moment, I thought I'd share some. So...I bring you...KITTY SHOTS FROM JAPAN!!! (Don't all cheer at once...)


Poor Tora. He leads such a tortured life. Can't you see it written all over his face? I think that's an "M" on his forehead..."M" for...what?


There are times when Tora seems really intelligent. Then there are the other times...


"Commence finger-biting in 5...4...3..." Incidentally, that's me wearing my BLUE Japanese hanten (a short coat, usually tied in front, that is worn inside the house when it's cold).


Aummmmmmmmmm.......


Now on my daughter's desk...trying to look innocent...


"Okay...we'll allow ourselves one 'respectable' pose..."

Alright. I got the post-Valentine's Day cuteness thing out of my system.

P.S. Sympathy and best wishes to Tooners' sister Jahooni, whose beloved, gray, feline baby recently died in an accident. Losing a pet is never easy, and it shouldn't be.